I Had A Mistress and Her Name Was Wendy...

I love Wendy's.  I love their 99 cent crispy chicken sandwich.  I love the 99 cent frosty.  I really love the Baconator. It became a problem.  I would get it on the way home from work.  I would go to the bank and withdraw money so Jenn wouldn't know I was getting Wendy's.  I would hide the paper bags.  I would come home with crumbs on my collar.  Jenn started calling Wendy's my mistress.  I think she really does not like that place anymore because of my food addiction.

Most nights when I left work, I would tell myself, "You are just going home. You are not stopping to get Wendy's."  Then, I would get halfway there.  "Okay, maybe just a single sandwich.  Not the normal three I get with the frosty."  Finally, I would be pulling into the drive-thru and get to the window.  "I would like 3 of your 99 cent crispy chicken sandwich and a frosty."

I would eat the whole thing the rest of the 7 miles home, and hide the evidence.  At home, I would eat dinner with the family.  Right after I ate the food from my mistress, I felt instantly guilty and mad at myself.  Each one of those chicken sandwiches are 350 calories!  We cannot even afford it.  Why am I doing it?  I know better.  I would just eat.

What they look like in my mind

One night about 4 months ago, it was getting late, and I was heading home from my improv class.  I looked down at my gas tank and saw that I was almost out of gas.  I was almost to the city of Republic and felt that all too familiar pull to Wendy's.

I was coming up on the light right before entering the city, and the car did a slight sputter.  I had a choice.  Turn left at the light and get gas, or turn right at the light and get Wendy's.  I was going to do both either way, but my stupid need for fried chicken and sadness won.  I ordered my usual and got to the second window.  They asked me to pull up, because it would be a few minutes to get my chicken.

So I pulled up, and as soon as I pushed on my break, the car died.  I ran out of gas. I sat there, not even 200 yards from a gas station.  I waited for my chicken.  Then, I walked across the street to see if the gas station had a gas can I could use.

Of course, they did not have one.  She said I could buy a gallon of water, dump it out and fill it with gas.  I told her, "Thanks... but no thanks."

So I called Jenn.  "Hey, Jenn. Guess what? I just ran out of gas and coasted into the parking lot at the Wendy's.  Yeah, I know, crazy.  I barely made it all the way around the building into the parking spot in front of the drive-thru.  Yeah, that is crazy..."  Of course, she didn't believe me.  She knew what I was doing.  Caught greasy-handed.

What they really look like. Not good at all.

Good thing we have some friends in Republic.  Crystal came over to Wendy's, and let me borrow her gas can. I was able to fill up and head home.  It was very embarrassing and very preventable.

I still have to make a choice on what way I am going to turn at that light almost every day. I can turn right and eat fast, fattening food, or I can turn left and go to CrossFit.  CrossFit Republic was opened in the building behind the gas station.

Now I take a look at my former mistress and say, "No, thank you."  I turn left and see the love of my life Jenn and the gym, and we work out.  It is hard when we are running, and I smell that fried chicken scent across the street. But it is a reminder of a place I never want to go back to.  I am going to stay healthy this time.

So moral of the story.  Don't choose the right. Choose the left, and get gas and fitness.

Dirty Money

I've acquired a nickname at CrossFit.

Dirty Money

It is because I wear this shirt almost every time I go to work out. It isn't a fashion statement. It was born out of embarrassment.  Turns out you do a lot of things that require you to put your hands over your head at CrossFit. So for Week One of CrossFit, I spent the large majority of the class pulling down my shirt and telling the people in the class sorry for my fat hanging out.

So I dug through some of my older clothes.  I wasn't able to wear any of my tech shirts, because they were too small OR they were too small. I found a shirt that has always been too big for me. The Dirty Money shirt.

Post Workout Today

Dirty Money was the name of the softball team I never played on over two years ago.  I paid the money for the shirt but never went.  It was when I was around my heaviest, and with the thought of going out and trying to play softball out in the heat, I decided to pass at the last minute.  The shirt is a 4XL.  It was big on me when I got it.  I never did wear 4XL, but I was on track to be wearing it.

So Dirty Money went into the closet, then a drawer, and then a box... until I needed it 3 months ago.  I pulled it out, cut the sleeves off and started wearing it.

Dirty Money in Action

So I solved the problem of the fat hanging out in public. That is as sexy as it sounds.  It was important to me, because I wanted to focus on the workout and not my gut. Eventually, the coaches started calling me Dirty Money.  Mel at CrossFit East.  Joe and Macy at CrossFit Republic. It has kind of stuck, because... well...I wear it all the time.

In the last three months, I have seen big gains in my health. And yes, my sexy gut has started shrinking again, but I am not ready to retire Dirty Money.  I have tons of shirts to wear, but I am not quite there yet.

Here is the deal.  I am getting close to the day when I don't need to wear it anymore.  On that day, we are taking it out back after the workout and burning it.  Retire and burn that dirty money!

It is also my daughter's birthday today!  She turned 5!  I cannot believe how fast she has grown up.

I love that my kids get to come to CrossFit with us every time.  They watch through the window, and they LOVE it there.  Sometimes, they even cry when it is time to leave.  They like to come out and show us that they can do some of the moves as well.  I'm going to have some fit-minded kids!

It's a TRAP and Surviving the Hungry Days

Hey, did you all know I have traps?

True story.

I have seen them on other people.  I have even been told that I have always had them, but yesterday I actually felt and saw one on me.  I had one of those "what the crap is that?" moments when I went to scratch my shoulder, and then I flexed.

Actual image

I did one of those manly little girl squeals while jumping around. I always wanted traps.

Yes These

Is it weird to ask co-workers to feel your traps? Maybe. It is moments like these that help make those last few sets in the gym worth it.  Me? With traps? Whodathunk!

Today was a hungry day.  A hungry day is a day where I can eat everything and never be full. I have been doing really good on eating clean and healthy this week.  I really have not been tempted to cheat.  I have that eye of a tiger focus going.  If I didn't have that focus, today would've turned into one of those eat-everything-in-site-and-then-look-for-more kind of days. Days when I would eat breakfast at home, get to work and order a double of biscuits and gravy. Then, I would eat my lunch from home and then order a couple slices of pizza.  On the way home, stop in at Wendy's (my former mistress...) and get a couple of succulent fried chicken sandwiches.  At home, I would have a double or triple serving of dinner AND then snack all night on chips and soda.

The Hungry Games

No wonder I put all the weight back on.  The messed up part is that in my head I only had breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I didn't even think about all the extra stuff I had throughout the day. It was expensive, and I would lie to myself and my family about it.  

Food is my weakness.  I don't think anyone really understands until they have gone through the trash to get the food you just threw away and then eat it.  I have thrown away half a box of donuts and then went back for them.  Food addiction is real.

The moment I walk into work, it is a battle to not go order more food from the cafeteria.  It is a battle not to stop at the drive-thru.  I can leave home with all intentions to not get that food, and the next thing I know, I am ordering something.

It is easy for me to find a fitness routine and stick with it.  I enjoy it.  I crave it. But when I try to eat better, I mourn the loss of pizza, chinese food, and anything else I love to eat.  I am an emotional eater.  So for me I have to mourn the loss of something I love.  I understand it is okay to have free meals, but I was eating those things all the time.

It just takes time, and I am getting there.  I think I am almost to the point where these hungry days are not so devastating.  I was good today.  I didn't cheat. I was healthy.  The coolest part about surviving a hungry day is the next day you feel amazing.  Then the next hungry day is that much easier and farther in between.  Love my healthy living!

How do you make it through those hungry days?

Might As Well Be A Marathon

I have several fitness goals. A lot of my goals as I accomplish them will build towards a goal I have had my whole life.  It is something I have never, ever been able to do, a pull-up.

By the end of the year, I am going to do a pull-up.  Even as I type this, I doubt myself. Me? Do a pull-up? No way. But remember, I did finish a marathon, and tons of people can do pull-ups who have never done a marathon. So somehow in my twisted thinking, I am going to do this.

Goal 
Do a pull-up by December 31st, 2013

How
Lose weight
Build Strength
Tell myself I can
Tell people to hold me accountable

Not these kind, silly.

Why
I've never been able to do one.  Push-ups used to be impossible for me to do.  I can only do a few now, but I can do them, dang it.

Speaking of why and push-ups, I had this 5th grade teacher, Mr. Gordon. He was a good teacher, and for the most part we got along.  Until during part of his class, he had us all go outside for class and put us through some exercises.  I was a chubby kid with no upper body strength.  Remember, I had never done a pull-up. He had us do push-ups.  I couldn't do one, so I tried to do one on my knees like the girl next to me.  Mr Gordon saw me and yelled, "Chris! What are you doing? Those are girl push ups; do a real one."  I told him I couldn't do it.  He started laughing at me and so did the others in the class.  Then he had all the guys get down and show Chris how a push-up is done. I was made fun of the rest of the school year because of it.

So my weak upper body has always been something that has embarrassed me.  So, I am changing that.  I am going to keep rocking those push-ups, MR GORDON, and guess what?  I am going to do pull-ups as well. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it...

I would like to hear your stories of how you been able to overcome and do something like this.  Thanks!

BEHOLD!!! BURPEES!!!!!!

To get the fullest effect of this blog post, please start the music video first, and then continue reading.

BURPEES!  My friend Katie thought it was cute when I talked about burpees.  All she would think of when she heard "burpee" was a little kid burping. She obviously never had done a burpee then.  Those of us who have had the privilege of doing a burpee know that in no way is it a cute little child burp but something sent from hell to make grown men cry.

What is a burpee, you ask.  See below.

Looks easy enough, right?  Laying down and then jumping up.  I did this all the time as a kid.  No problem, right?  WRONG!  Get up, and do 10.  It's okay, I will wait.  Go ahead.  DO IT.

The music helped, right?

I do not like burpees.  My almost 6-foot body does not like doing them. Give me wall balls any day. The thing I am realizing is that the more I do burpees, the stronger I get. HOW DARE THEY DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR ME!

I remember the first class when they had burpees on the white board.  I cried.  Really, there were tears.  I could not even do one.  Not a single burpee.  I was good at the laying on the floor part.

They are still the bane of my existence, but here is the exciting thing.  I can do them now. Today in my WOD, I rocked out 10.  They were not RX or pretty, but they got done.  I couldn't breath after. But guess what? I did them!  I had some great people from CFR cheering me on and pushing me to crank out those last 10.  Why? Because if I took too long, I had to do more clean squats. I had already done over 50.  So I pushed and did them!

So, here's the moral of the story. Everyone has something they hate doing when they enter the gym. And, a lot of times that is the thing that will make you stronger. Keep working hard and pushing through.  Burpees are my weakness.  But if I do them enough, I will find another weakness, and then maybe burpees and I can have a civil relationship.

Do you love Burpees?  What is the thing you love to hate, but see improvement on?

When The Going Gets Tough

I've had a lot on my mind lately. I work for a great company, but I am feeling very under utilized right now. I feel like I am not living up to my potential.  I am not really doing something that makes me feel fulfilled, and I think someone with a bachelor degree is overqualified for what I do.  I know there are people with degrees in my department, but they are in leadership roles. Or they are, like me, desperate for a job right now.  It also does not look like many leadership positions will be opening anytime soon.  They keep telling me to have patience, because there is potential to move up. But I have been hearing this for a while, and to be honest, I am really not excited to move up within the accounts receivable department.  I have great bosses and love the people I work with, but that doesn't mean I will feel fulfilled and doing what makes me happy.

Some say just be grateful you have a job.  Others say you need to live your dream and take risks.  I want to work with people, help people. I love training.  I need variety in my work. I really don't want to be stuck behind a desk all day. I have considered going back to school to become a PTA (Physical Therapy Assistant). I would be helping people. It would be new things daily. I think I would love it.  The thought of going back to school, though, overwhelms and angers me.  I've done school! I have a degree! I already have a ton of student loans that I cannot pay off, because we are considered way below the poverty line.  I just feel... stuck.

So how does all of this relate to fitness?  Just wait. It is coming.

I have seen a pattern in my life.  Right now, I am considering looking for other positions at my place of employment or even looking for work at other places.  I have to make more money. Things are tight. And no... I do not want to sell your wraps, bags or tea tree oil, so please don't ask.  In looking for another job within my work or outside, I fear rejection and failure. So I don't follow through. I start feeling safe and complacent again in what I do. I'm not happy, but I am not stretching myself and putting myself out there.  I am not living up to my ultimate career potential. I have grown comfortable in what I am doing now.

At first, I will get motivated and start searching for a job or reading a job description at where I am now. I will not find anything I am interested in or be qualified for and get discouraged.  I will read the job description of something I might be qualified for, and I will start doubting if I can do it. Of course, I can do the job. I finished college!  I lived in Southern California, learned Spanish and knocked on doors for two years!  I finished a marathon!  Yeah, I can do it.  But why do I doubt myself?  Why do I not want to grow?  Do I fear my own potential?

I have started seeing this same pattern in my fitness journey.  In running or CrossFit, you are always striving to push yourself a little farther and a little longer.  It never gets easy; you just keep increasing your intensity and weight.  You keep pushing to grow.  I find that my intensity might not be my best every time.  I might see the WOD and start telling myself, "Don't push yourself; just take it easy."  My mind tells me that I am fat and that I can't do it.  Put the weight down. Just walk.  I don't push myself to my maximum potential in that workout.  I know I can go farther and longer, because I have done it before. I am not strong mentally.

I will get motivated at the start of a workout, and as it goes, I start thinking, "This sucks. I hurt... Why am I doing this? I am last again! I will never be at the same level as everyone else."  I do feel good at the end of the workout, and I don't slack off every time. But there are times when I will not do those last 3 reps or will mentally give up in the workout, and it is discouraging. Finishing the workout always feels better. Some of my biggest highs have been after I ran the full 5 miles on the training run or after I did the whole set unbroken.  So yeah, I can do it, but why do I doubt myself? Why do I prevent myself from growing? Do I fear my own potential?

So how do I change and fix this?  How does someone toughen up mentally and step up to their life and fitness potential?

I am not a pro at this.  I am asking you.  How do I do it? I am going to really strive to be better in my professional and physical life. I am going to hold my head high and live up to my potential.  I think the key is just to do it. Keep moving forward. Realize your weaknesses and ask for help when needed.  I am going to try to be better.

Constantly Humbled

Hi...

I know, I know... It has been over a year.  I have been a slacker.  I have no excuses on why I have not been blogging.  I stopped being healthy.  I felt like I was letting myself and others down, so I stopped blogging.  I stopped being excited about the healthy lifestyle choices I had made.

Last March during my marathon, I injured my foot. I shouldn't have run the race but did it anyway.  It took me over 8 hours to finish. I ended up walking the last 12 miles, because my foot hurt so bad.  I was ashamed and embarrassed.  I should not have been, but I was.  I did something amazing.  I took some time off to let my foot heal.  Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and the next thing I knew, the weight was back.  I wasn't running or doing anything healthy.  I was back to video games and eating whatever, whenever. I had to start getting all my fat clothes back out.  Then I had to buy some more clothes.  I was more embarrassed and ashamed.

I knew something had to change again.  I was depressed and out of control. This year, I started doing stand-up and improv.  I love it.  It was something I loved doing and made many friends.  I still wasn't healthy.  I started having anxiety attacks and some deep depression.  I knew what I needed to do.  I tried to start running again, but that embarrassment and shame came flooding back because of how far back I had gone.  It was just like starting over again.  I stopped going after only a few times, because I couldn't do what I did before.

I knew I needed to do SOMETHING.  So usually when I get a wild idea, I post it on Facebook.  I posted, "Hey! I am thinking about doing CrossFit. What does everyone think about it?!"  The response was overwhelming.  So many of my friends do CrossFit and LOVE it. Many of my running friends had great things to say about it as well.  I found out that one of the CrossFit gyms (Box) was right across the street from my work. So that next day, I went over and checked it out after work.

I had never seen anything like it. It was a huge garage/warehouse, like the kind you find in strip malls.  Ropes and rings were hanging from the ceiling.  There were rows of pull up bars and several plyometric boxes stacked up. Large tractor tires in the back. Lots of kettlebells. The only thing I really recognized were the squat racks and barbells. I was overwhelmed.  One of the owners, Mel, saw me and introduced himself.  He had one of the other coaches take over the WOD (workout of the day) and took the time to show me around and talk to me about what to expect. One of the nicest guys you would ever meet.  He made me feel at home and really encouraged me to give it a try.

Coach Mel Killing Double Unders

I signed up for the beginner's class and started the beginning of April.  My first WOD was on a Saturday. It was an intro class. The WOD was small and simple, and I thought I was going to die.  It was 3 rounds of 15 air squats, 12 deadlifts and 9 kettlebell swings.  I had to stop and scale.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I was so sore, but I was excited to keep doing it.

Jeremy was our CrossFit beginner's coach.  He is built like an action figure. I am not going to lie.  I was intimidated but instantly put at ease.  He took the time to explain what CrossFit is and how it could help me in all aspects of my life.  He wanted us to know how to do the movements so we prevented injury.  The class was designed so that someone just starting didn't feel overwhelmed by all the lingo and movements. By the end of the first month, I made several friends and felt confident that I could do it and join the regular WOD group.  I had to scale down a lot of the workouts. I still have to, but that is okay.

Coach Jeremy M

Me and Coach Jeremy

I was working out in the normal WOD class three days a week at CrossFit Springfield East and loved it.  Loved the coaches, loved the people.  I wanted to somehow share this with my wife.  Mel said she could come and do a workout with me for free to try it.  Jenn loved it!  We really wanted to do this together, but it was such a long drive for Jenn to take everyday.  It didn't sound possible.  When I got home that night, I saw some people talking about a new CrossFit opening in Republic!  The next day, I went in to check it out and found out that two of the owners were people I had become friends with at CrossFit East, Deena and Joe!  Deena showed me around and invited us to come try a WOD that next day.

It turned out to be perfect for Jenn and me.  The facility is on my way home from work.  It is super close to our house, AND a class starts at 5:30 with childcare provided. So we would have time to meet after work and not have to worry about the kids!  It broke my heart to leave CFSE because of Mel and all the amazing people I met there, but it was so important for Jenn and I to do this together.  So we signed up that next day and have loved it ever since.  We go 4 times a week!

CrossFit Republic

The owners of CrossFit Republic are great!  I love the classes, because almost everyone there are beginners as well.  We are all learning and growing together in something amazing.  Seeing the friendships grow through blood, sweat and tears has been a lot of fun.  A big thank you goes out to the owners Macy, Jen, Joe and Deena. You are all amazing, and I love to see how CFR is growing! We feel at home and hope to see several more months and years at CFR.

It has almost been 3 months since I started doing CrossFit.  I have not missed a week, and I can feel myself getting stronger. I have a long way to go. I am not eating as healthy as I can, but I am really working on it now. I know the weight will keep coming off, and I will keep getting stronger. I want to start running again soon as well.  It might be another month or two, though.  I don't want to overdo it.

Jenn has taken to CrossFit like a fish to water. Everyone tells her how graceful her movements are. She works hard and pushes herself, and it is so much fun to be doing this with her. We help keep each other accountable, and we are setting an example to our kids as well.

Something I have noticed in all the fitness communities I have been privileged to be apart of is that everyone is so encouraging.  When I was running, people always encouraged me and cheered me on, even if I was the last one coming in. Nixa Running Group is an amazing group of people, and they will always have a special place in my heart.  I hope to be out there running with them again. When I was doing bootcamp at the Meyer Center, I made several friends, and they wanted me to do well and cheered me on.  CrossFit is no different. I am the slowest and last one getting done everyday.  I am super impressed on how everyone there works so hard and do so well during the workout. They inspire me. Something they do that humbles me everyday is that while I am finishing, they cheer me on.  They will run that last 400 meters with me.  They are there encouraging me, pushing me, telling me I can do it.  When I do finish, they clap and tell me I did a great job.  It makes me feel special and important.  I want to do that for them while they are finishing, because they are inspiring me. I am constantly humbled by the people around me. I hope to be like them as well.

I can say that I am a happier person again.  I missed working out and love feeling strong and healthy.