I am healthy, and I am in shape, but I am still fat. I have to remind myself that this whole process isn't a 5 minute feel-good montage. This is a process. I have to remind myself that, right now, I am in the best shape of my life. I can run for miles. I can keep up in my boot camp class. I just need to lose the fat.
Being fat has been so much of my identity for so long. It was part of who I was. I was able to hide behind it. It's almost scary to think about not being fat. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be fat, because I know what it does to me physically and mentally.
I guess this is a time to embrace a new identity, the in shape, strong Chris. I know I can keep the qualities that make me a good person and add on to them. Before, being big helped me be funny. Instead of letting people make fun of me, I made fun of myself and made them laugh. Now, I can still be the funny person I am without all the weight attached.
I am healthy, I am in shape, and I am strong! Fat does not define me; I do!
2 comments:
A few years ago, my cousin (who is my age) had gastric bypass surgery. As she was prepping, I was surprised to hear they required counseling. And then as I thought about it, I realized what a wonderful thing they were requiring. Her whole life she had been larger than the other kids and as an adult became very obese (I don't know if she met the definition of morbidly obese or not but she was probably close). The counseling was to help her with the adjustments in self-identity plus in changing the personality traits she'd developed due to lack of being able to participate in activities (like driving a car).
From what I read, you are adjusting quite well and honestly (being honest about how you are feeling not only with yourself and your immediate family but by sharing those thoughts on your blog). I'm not sure you need a counselor, or maybe you already have one, but it is a significant life change to change so drastically physically because you have to change mentally too, so maybe a periodic check in with a counselor can help.
We're here to encourage you and be inspired by you. As such, I encourage you to continue to listen to your body and your spirit like you did last week when you took the day off because you needed it; and push it when you need to.
Bravo! You're exactly right. You are what you choose. I'm proud of you!!
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